Nothing can go wrong
by Lunar.Pixie
Summary: I was going to propose to her. I've charted out and planned everything. I've run through every single permutation and combination. Everything was perfect. So nothing can and will go wrong... Right?


_**This is my second one-shot! Wrote it in two hours? And, because I just felt like it.**_

_**Sorry to all who are still waiting for my update on my other fanfic, I'm experiencing a little writer's block at the moment. Hah. No, writer's block is no joke.**_

_**Ichigo's POV ! If you didn't know.**_

_**Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to the almighty Kubo-sensei.  
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><p>I have planned everything. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing.<p>

We've been dating – can I say dating? Because as far as I can remember, we've never actually been on a date without hollows suddenly appearing in the hollow detector, or Byakuya trying to spy on us and jumping out of nowhere to senbonzakura my ass, or Renji self-inviting himself to the otherwise two-person affair. So maybe not dating. No. But we've been TOGETHER for over 3 years now, and I feel that it's time.

I know the dates – or "dates" – we had have all gone terribly wrong, so that is why I am not screwing this up. I repeat, NOT. Fucking this up. I can't, and I won't. Because I've planned everything, and nothing can go wrong.

First it was the venue. For this, I needed a little help from the old man. Well actually, even if I didn't need any help from him, he'll barge in anyway. But that is not the point. So after enduring about three hours of his sappy love story of how he met my mom (All that love-at-first-sight thing. I honestly don't get that. I mean, mum is really beautiful, I know. In fact, she's the most beautiful person in this world. Yeah, this world. No prizes for who I think is most beautiful in the other world. But, yeah I don't get it. Because as I remembered, the first time I saw that midget, I was pretty freaked out by her. She scared the shit out of me. No lie. So, thoughts about having a relationship or bubbly bouncing babies with her never EVER crossed my mind. So how I ended up falling in love with a woman who is a century older is still beyond me), how he confessed (Under the moonlight no less. My confession to Rukia? Let's just say it wasn't meant to be a confession and I kinda ended up with three bruises on my shins) and popped the question, he finally revealed where he did it. YES, the gist, the beef, the ONE THING I wanted to hear.

And it was non-existent.

I saw three hours of my life flying over my head.

So the place got demolished a few years after they got married, which meant that I needed a new venue. And that was how I went on a whole-day trip around town with my dad to find the perfect place. And, if you've ever been with my dad for just two minutes, you will know – at least remotely know – what I've been through. (-cue sad church-ish music) The first place we went to was this little dainty Italian restaurant; I was pretty fond of the place. It was quiet, private and very Rukia-esque. The goat agrees, and we even found the perfect table where Rukia and I would dine that night. Everything looked according to plan, until...

"I have a problem with this tablecloth."

"What the hell are you talking about?" That was me.

"May I know what the problem is? I would try my best to accommodate to your preferences." The waitress replied with a sweet smile. Hoho, how naïve, how innocent, how oblivious.

"It's too thin."

"Huh?"

"I need it to be a little thicker. You know, so my son and my third daughter can make babies right after his proposal in privacy, under the table or something." And he said that looking so serious, I almost wanted to punch him in the face. Oh wait, I did actually punch him. And there goes any hope of ever entering that restaurant in this lifetime.

The second place we visited was a high-end sushi restaurant at the top of a building, overlooking the whole city of Karakura. It was a pretty sight. Once the manager heard that I was going to propose to my girlfriend, he immediately suggested the idea of stuffing the ring into a sushi so that it could be a pleasant surprise. I have to admit I am no romantic. And my idea of proposing was just plain and subtle, "JUST FREAKING BE MY WIFE ALREADY". But after hearing his tip, I thought maybe for once in my life; I could do something like that for Rukia. But, no.

No, because I can't screw this up.

Just the other day, I saw the midget gobbled down four slices of chocolate cake in two minutes. Tops. I'm not kidding. So, if my calculations are right, chances are that she would either swallow the damn ring, or get choked by it. So for the safety of her well being, mine and the rest of the people who would be dining on that day, I decided against it. Also because I spent good money on the ring, and I really wanted it to end up on her left ring finger, and not somewhere in her digestive tract.

We went to a couple of restaurants after that. And with every one I walked out of, it's either because my father said something extremely stupid or embarrassing, or I would suddenly think of the worst case scenario that would happen, (e.g. "What if Rukia gets claustrophobic in this small room?", "Holy shit, what if Rukia hates asparagus?", "Is Rukia tall enough to reach this table?", "NO, Rukia's feet are so small she might fall right through these gaps on the floor!", "This place is too bright, what if Rukia goes blind?", "This place is too famous, it will be too packed and I bet Rukia wouldn't even notice me proposing to her.", "Rukia. Does. Not. Like. Bunnies.", "I hate bunnies, they're distracting.") Call me paranoid, but I seriously cannot fuck this up. And I won't. Everything would go according to plan.

But we found a place eventually. It was a small country-like restaurant at the other side of Karakura, and it has a couple of tables under a white gazebo with all those flowers surrounding it. It was perfect. Like, schooling-fan-girl-squeamishly perfect. Just the right amount of romance, but not too cheesy that glitter and pink smoke starts invading the place. Perfect. I stopped myself from thinking if Rukia might be allergic to any of those flower pollen things, and most importantly, I stopped my father from ever speaking another word. And, we booked a table for that night.

The ring was pretty easy to find. I knew I wanted it the moment I saw it. Rukia wasn't a person who liked shining shimmery stuff (No, sparkles hurt her eyes she said), meaning no diamonds (or Twilight for that matter), so that plain platinum band was perfect. Though it costs a bomb, I picked the purest one because at some angle it looked almost white, just prettier. Beat that Sode No Shirayuki. But buying one that fitted Rukia was a pain. I went back to the jewelry shop a grand total of fifty-two times to get the size of the ring right. Rukia never wore any rings, so I couldn't give them a sample of her ring size and her fingers were so tiny that I don't think any of their samples fit. So I had to take the ring back and gently try them on her every night when she sleeps (I sound like a fucking stalker here. I know. Shut up), then go back to the shop to ask them to adjust it for me. And it took me that many times because I didn't want anything to go wrong. Everything had to be perfect. It was tedious to say the least. Damn midget better appreciate it.

Then it came. The moment of truth. The day itself. And I knew. I just knew, nothing would go wrong. I've got the perfect venue, the perfect ring, and I even knew exactly what to say and do. I ran through all kinds of worst-case scenarios and I came up with ways to counter each and every one of them.

(E.g. A hollow appears: I stole her hollow detector, replaced it with a fake one, and gave the real deal to Ishida. Byakuya and Renji's sudden appearance: Urahara would inform me right away should a sekaimon be opened. She chokes on the food: I have specifically instructed them to place only soft things on the menu that day. She loses her attention; I think I got a trumpet somewhere. She rejects me, though sad as I may be, I can always try again another time.)

So no, nothing can go wrong. I've run through every permutation and combination of what may happen on that night and everything was too perfect to go wrong. But, as usual, I spoke too soon. Because Rukia is anything but predictable.

After the dinner, I led her out of the gazebo and into the garden. The night had gone really well, she loved the place, the food and there were no pink flower petals waiting to bust my ass insight yet. She asked several times what the occasion was, but I just told her to wait. But, now the moment finally arrived, and just as planned, I knew exactly what to do. She wore a simple white sundress and the ends of it were decorated with laces so it didn't look too casual, and I thought she looked amazing that night. Perfect. I took both of her hands into mine and got down on one knee. Feeling my cheeks heating up a little, I wondered if she already got my drift. But she just stood there, eyes wide as if it wasn't big enough. Maybe she was just shocked, and surprised.

"Kuchiki Rukia, will you m- What the hell are you doing?" Her huge violet eyes were now below my vision, as she got down on her knees too.

"That should be MY question to you. Why are you kneeling?" A scowl had formed on her face and she was visibly annoyed.

"Because it's… like uh… uh… a routine." Not part of the plan. Not part of the plan. She should be screaming and crying and reducing herself into a teary-and-overjoyed mess. Not part of the plan.

"A routine for what?"

"You'll find out soon enough, so GET UP!" She slowly nodded knowingly before standing up. I let out a sigh and readied myself for "take two". But before I could even utter another syllable, I found myself on the ground, eating grass with a sore head.

"What the hell was that for!" I screamed (Yes screamed. I'm desperate alright?) While rubbing my now wounded head.

"I see what you're doing! You're mocking me, aren't you?"

"What?" NONONONO. Everything was going wrong.

"I know I'm short alright! You don't have to rub it in my face!"

"What? NO! FINE!" Screw routines. Screw that plan I had, this is a mess. I stood up and face her, pulled out the little velvet box and opened it. "Kuchiki Rukia, will-"

"What is that?"

"Huh?"

"That!" She almost yelled as she pointed at the platinum band that was perched between the slits of those little cushion things.

"You don't know? It's a ring."

"Duh, I know that, dumbass."

"THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Not going according to plan. Not going according to plan. Fuck.

"Why are you showing me a ring?"

"I'm not just showing it to you, I'm planning to give it to you."

She got on her tippytoes and took a closer look. "Why would I need that? It's so small." Great, she doesn't know what a fucking ring is. Why didn't I think of that?

"So you can wear it? And, if you haven't noticed, you are pretty tiny."

"SHUT UP! I'm supposed to wear that?"

"Well, if you accept it of course." I have lost all faith. I give up. Seriously.

"And where am I supposed to wear this ring?" She asked while looking at almost every part of her body.

With a huge sigh, and after rolling my eyes, I took the ring out of its box and shove it into her ring finger. "Like that."

"You humans have the weirdest sense of fashion." She said as she held up her hand and eyed the ring on her finger. Then suddenly, like a eureka moment, like if I were a cartoon there would be a light bulb on my head right now, like I finally realize why Aizen turned into a fucking butterfly (Chill out people. It's just an anecdote, I don't really know the answer, that guy has got some serious issues. Period.) My face lit up.

"So, I'll take that as a yes." I said, with a smirk on my face.

"Hmm?" She asked, still looking at the ring, without even taking a glance at me. I guess that meant she liked it.

"You're my fiancée now."

"What." This time, she did look at me, with a what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about face no less.

"You took the ring. So you're engaged to me now."

"Huh? And how does that even make sense?"

"Well, in the human world, once you accept a ring from a guy, aka ME, you become engaged to him." I explained, folding my arms across my chest.

"I didn't accept it, you freaking force it on me!"

"BUT YOU'RE WEARING IT NOW!" I yelled, pointing an accusing finger at her left ring finger. "SO IT BECOMES LIKE… LIKE AN UNBREAKABLE BOND!"

"I CAN ALWAYS TAKE IT OFF!"

"FINE."

"FINE."

She quickly pulled the ring out from her finger, and I felt my heart dropped a little. I hate that midget. How the hell is she always able to make me have these strong emotions with just a single action? Before I walked away from her, I noticed her face turned into panic mode. She pulled on the sleeve of my shirt and asked, "Is it legal?"

"What?"

"If I took it off… You know. Will it be illegal?"

"Huh?" I'm clearly lost here. What?

"I MEANT WHEN I TOOK IT OFF, LIKE I BROKE A BOND OR SOMETHING RIGHT? ACCORDING TO YOUR STUPID HUMAN RULES, WILL I BE JAILED OR SOMETHING?"

My hand immediately shot up to cover my mouth. _Don't you DARE laugh now. _I stifled my immense feeling to just break out and laugh at her stupidity, put on a serious face and stared at her. She took a step back.

"Why don't you try it out?"

Rukia shifted in her spot a little before frantically looking around at her surroundings. She gave me a scowl and grumbled something under her breath while shoving the ring back on her finger. "Fine. You're such an idiot, you know that? You better get me a huge strawberry wedding cake." I smiled and took her hand as we both walked towards my car. "Yeah yeah, whatever."

In which everything went horribly wrong, it all turned out just right.


End file.
